Let’s get real, right out of the gate: I’ve failed at more goals than I’ve accomplished. I’ve made lists, color-coded charts, glued affirmations on my bathroom mirror, and woken up on January 1st feeling like this year, finally, I’m going to do it right. By February, I’m lucky if I remember where my “2025 Vision” notebook even is.
So let’s toss out the glossy bullshit. Real progress? It’s not a straight line, it’s not a 30-day challenge, and it’s sure as hell not about ticking every box on a syllabus written by some self-help bro who thinks “just start waking up earlier” is peak wisdom. Spoiler alert: if you hate mornings like I do, that crap’s not going to turn you into a better version of yourself. It’s just going to make you tired and cranky.
But here’s the part no guru shouts about: What if you’re not the problem? What if “failing at goals” isn’t some moral shortcoming—but a signal that the whole way we talk about goals is broken?
Stop Climbing the Mountain In a Day: Where Goal Setting Goes to Die
Look, if you’ve ever tried to climb a mountain in a single fucking day, you know two things. One, your legs will hate you. Two, you get about halfway up, realize most of the journey still stretches ahead, and you either sit down and cry, or turn around and swear you’ll “try again when I’m more ready.” Spoiler: you already were as ready as you’ll ever be.
We set brutal, outsized goals every year. Lose 100 pounds, kick every bad habit, start that business, save five figures, volunteer, meditate, run a marathon, become a Zen master while raising three kids on two jobs and trauma you’ve yet to unpack. We pile on, convinced that changing our whole life at once is the only way to prove we’re serious.
But here’s the truth no one wants to hear: Dreams are good, but delusion is deadly. Yes, you can do big things. No, you can’t do them all at once, or without setbacks, or by following someone else’s “six easy steps.”
The Myth of Willpower (And Other Lies)
Let’s put this out there: if willpower was enough, most of us would be at our goals already. The “just try harder” brigade can go ahead and sit down; real life isn’t a corporate retreat. The research actually backs this up—habits and progress are built in contexts, not in isolation. When I finally quit smoking—after more than two decades!—it wasn’t because some magical New Year’s urge descended from above. It was grit, frustration, setbacks, a little self-hatred, a lot of self-forgiveness, and a team of people who kept me honest and on track.
Same with my weight. I have struggled with it since I was three years old. Let that sink in—for forty years I’ve been battling this. Still am. Some days I feel like I’m winning. Some days I don’t. But progress? Progress is not judged by whether you hit goal weight and stay there for 500 years. Progress is sticking with it, adapting, not giving up because one day was rough, or several in a row. Progress is, honestly, staying alive and trying again.
If you’re telling yourself, “I just don’t have what it takes,” stop right there. What you don’t have is a system built for the actual, messy, beautiful human you are now.
Borrowed Goals Don’t Stick—Individualize or Bust
Raise your hand if you’ve ever “borrowed” a goal because that’s what the world/social media/self-help books/Gary Vee told you to want. Yeah, me too. Let’s be real—how many times have you read “Just follow my system!” or “Here are the top 10 things every successful person does before breakfast!” and thought, “Damn, I guess I better do that too or I don’t really want it.”
Listen—even if you could copy-paste someone else’s plan onto your life, you can’t copy-paste their neurology, trauma, schedule, family situation, health, or history. Hell, you can’t even copy their luck. So how did “borrowed goals” become the gold standard for change?
I wanted to be a person who could inspire, show up on the world stage, speak on big podcasts, actually help people change. Yet if I set my goals based on what the world says “success” is, I’d measure everything by numbers alone: TikTok followers, email subscribers, big labels. For the longest time I thought, “I’ll only be legit when I’ve arrived.” Here’s what the past two years taught me: every subscriber I’ve gained (16,600 and counting) was earned through slog, sweat, and connection. Every person who comments is a real human, and that connection is a victory. Every person who opens up, even just once, is a mountain climbed that day.
If you keep setting goals based on what you think you’re supposed to want, of course you’ll fall flat. Your goals have to fit you. If that sounds self-indulgent, it’s not—it’s the only sane path.
Why Do We Really Fail at Goals? It’s Not Because We’re Weak
So why is it that, whether you’re fighting addiction, mental health battles, codependency, or just the grind of being alive in this world, goals slip through our fingers? Simple: everything’s built for the best-case scenario, not for the average (read: messy, tired, traumatized, busy) person.
Here’s a truth you won’t get from mainstream self-improvement: Survival takes work. If you’re in recovery, getting out of bed is a goal. Showing up for family or friends, styling your hair, eating breakfast, not screaming at the first person who looks at you sideways—sometimes that’s the summit for the day. And that’s valid. If the people writing self-help books lived a single day in a brain that’s wired for anxiety, addiction, or old trauma, their tone would be a lot more compassionate. And a lot less smug.
Professionals, I’m looking at us too. We preach “balance” and “wellness” but are we living it? Or measuring our self-worth by how “fixed” our clients get, while our own goals go on the back burner? Real talk: none of us is immune.
Progress Isn’t Pretty (But It’s Real)
Progress isn’t winning every day. Progress is dragging yourself through the lowest days and refusing to make failure your identity. Progress happens in fucking slow motion. Sometimes it’s one follower, one pound lost, one hard conversation with a sponsor or a loved one. Sometimes it’s setting a boundary and not backing down even though your hands shake the whole time.
Quitting smoking? For me, that took about fifteen real attempts and a million “I’ll start again Monday” resets before it stuck. And every time I’d get a week or two and then break, it was so damn easy to slip into shame. But here’s the ultimate truth: the attempt isn’t wasted just because the result didn’t last at first. You gather data, you get stronger, you start over, and eventually—if you keep showing up—it sticks. The same with weight. The same with business and art and family and love.
Micro-Wins: The Foundation of Real Change
People like to sell this idea that “overnight success” is right around the corner if you just hustle, grind, and manifest hard enough. Here’s the unsexy, infuriating, wonderful truth: everything I’ve done—quitting smoking, building this brand, losing actual weight, feeling steady enough to help anyone else—came in shreds and scraps and micro-wins.
That might mean answering one email instead of twenty. Recording a TikTok that bombs, but not deleting my account in frustration. Taking a walk instead of running a marathon on day one. Every small win is a brick in the wall. Every time you show up, it gets easier to show up tomorrow.
On Setbacks, Relapse, and How to Bounce Back
Here’s the part most posts never mention: you will fall off. You’ll miss a week, mess up, or hit a wall so hard you spend a month licking your wounds. So what? Setbacks are not a sign to quit; they’re a normal part of any process worth starting.
When I relapsed and started smoking again after a good streak, the self-loathing was almost worse than the nicotine. But what finally helped was this: I stood up, said “I’m not starting from zero, I’m starting from experience,” and got back in the fight. Give yourself permission to drop the shame and get back to work. You haven’t lost everything—you’ve just learned a way that doesn’t work for you. Data, not defeat.
Permission to Pivot (Or Drop the Goal Altogether)
Here’s some freedom we all need: It’s okay to ditch a goal. Sometimes you set one that felt right in the moment, and months later you realize it isn’t serving your real life, and maybe it never did. Permission granted—let it go, pivot, or rewrite it to match where you actually are. You’re evolving. Your goals should, too.
Real Talk for The Recovery Crowd (And The People Who Love Them)
For those of us in addiction or recovery, here’s the thing: goals aren’t about proving your worth. Too many systems teach us we’re broken—so fixing ourselves has to be painful, dramatic, Instagram-worthy. That’s an outright lie. Sometimes the best goal you can have is just to take care of yourself. That’s not lazy; it’s radical.
And if you’re walking alongside someone in recovery—family, friend, professional—don’t judge progress by how well someone sticks to your checklist. Listen to the lived experience. Progress is personal, and no chart in the therapist’s office is going to replace the small wins that keep someone alive another day.
The Helper’s Dilemma: Are We Living What We Preach?
Let’s get brutally honest, because it matters: Are we healthier than our clients? Are we walking what we talk, or just performing “wellness” online? It’s really easy to set goals for others. So much harder to show up consistently for ourselves when no one’s watching.
The only way to stay real is to admit where we’re struggling—and pursue progress right alongside our people. Otherwise, it’s just more performance. My own goals—bigger impact, getting on more podcasts, spreading the message—seem overwhelming every single day. The only way I can keep going is to remember: progress isn’t about looking good. It’s about showing up and being honest, especially with myself.
Let’s Break Down How To Actually Set Goals—For Real
So how do we do this, actually? Here’s what I know, from both the research and the scars on my knuckles:
Start with something that matters to YOU. Not your neighbor, boss, therapist, or influencer. You.
Make it “stupid small.” If it feels laughably easy, you’re finally getting the scale right. Want to exercise? Walk five minutes, not five miles. Drink one glass of water, not a gallon. Show up for one meeting, not sign up for a full course of therapy in week one.
Build a base of self-compassion. You will screw up. That’s baked in. Factor relapses, missed days, and rough patches into your plan—and don’t weaponize shame when they happen.
Track, but don’t obsess. Data is feedback, not a grade. If you fall off, course correct. Don’t assign yourself detention.
Adjust for the real world. Some weeks, the best you can do is survive. That counts.
Celebrate the tiniest wins. For real—comment, message, celebrate, share. A win is a win.
Reflect and recommit. The only real “failure” is quitting because you think you’re a failure. Everyone else? Still in the game.
About SMART goals (for the framework folks)
Now, if you’re one of those people who likes a little structure, here’s where the SMART goals formula comes in. It’s an old-school tool, but hey—sometimes it helps. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. At its best, it keeps you from setting vague, unreachable, or totally random goals. Want to “get healthier”? Make it specific (“walk 10 minutes after dinner”), measurable (“do it 4 times a week”), achievable (“not setting yourself up for failure—think small and real”), relevant (“because you care about your health, not just because your doctor said to”), and time-bound (“I’ll do this for a month, then check in with myself”).
But here’s my real-world twist: SMART goals are a guide, not a law. The boxes are helpful, but if you can’t check every one, you’re still moving. Some days, the only box you check is “Still here.” That’s progress. Use the SMART framework to serve your life, not the other way around.
Community: What About You?
Let’s widen the conversation. If you’re a professional, what “goals” have you had to toss out, or re-frame, to keep growing as a human (not just an expert)? If you’re in recovery or supporting someone who is, what hard win do you wish people recognized as enough for today?
Use the comments for your messy wins, weird pivots, or epic goal “failures” that actually turned out to be progress in disguise. Share the real part—the part you wish someone had seen or understood. Welcome to the space where “ugly” is celebrated.
One Last Thing: Share Your Progress (And Permission for All)
I built Progress is Progress because I was tired of pretending. Tired of toxic positivity, tired of people “faking it until they make it” and burning out in silence. The only thing that honestly keeps me showing up is knowing you all are out there fighting your own battles, making real progress, one messy day at a time.
So this year, screw perfection. Set your goals for YOU. Shrink them until they fit your actual, precious, imperfect life. Celebrate every micro-win. If you falter, don’t bail—start again, even if it’s for the thousandth time. Permission granted to revise, restart, or throw out a goal that just doesn’t fit you anymore. The only progress that matters is yours.
Now, I want to know: What’s your messy progress story? What goals are you trying to set for real life—not for Instagram? Drop it in the comments, share this post if it landed with you, and let’s make 2026 the year we finally get honest about what progress really looks like.
Because here, progress is progress, even when you’re still crawling.
So let’s climb this thing—together, one honest, imperfect step at a time.
Are you in? Let’s flood the comments. Every story matters, every micro-win is worth it. If this hit home, share it with someone who needs it and hit subscribe if you haven’t yet. This is the year for messy, powerful, real progress. Let’s get after it.
