Chapter 8: Recovery Isn’t Linear — Progress, Relapse & Being Enough
Confession: If you think recovery is a straight line from broken to fixed, you’re in for a surprise. Recovery from codependency—hell, recovery from anything—is messy, nonlinear, and often feels like two steps forward, three steps back.
I’ve been there. After years of bending myself into every shape imaginable, after surviving abusive relationships and hating the person I’d become, I thought a big break or a big realization would magically fix it all. It didn’t. Instead, I had to learn that progress comes in tiny, sometimes invisible chunks. And sometimes it looks like relapse.
Relapse isn’t failure—it’s part of the process. Whether that means going back to people-pleasing after weeks of saying “no,” sneaking back into old toxic patterns, or even slipping on your recovery path from addiction or codependency, relapse holds lessons. Lessons about triggers, self-awareness, and the grit it takes to get back up.
Real Talk: My Own Relapse
After my partner went to prison and I started piecing my life back together, I thought I was finally free—finally out of the thick of the codependency mess. But relapse wasn’t a moment. It was a slow, creeping return. I found myself saying yes to too many things, delivering emotional labor that was never mine to carry, and shoving my needs so far down I forgot what they even felt like. It wasn’t just bad habits. It felt like survival. Like if I didn’t keep giving, I’d lose everything I was fighting to save.
It sucked. It felt like drowning on land. I’d feel proud for setting a boundary one day—and then swallow it whole the next. These weren’t failures—they were lessons, bruises, courses corrections. Each time I fell back, I learned a little more about what my limits looked like, where I could stand firm, and who I really was underneath the fear and guilt.
I’m still learning. And that’s okay.
